Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Hard wired

As that part of my pension invested in the stock market evaporates, I find I have to cut back on my techno-wish-list to Santa. So I'm settling this year for just five items, all drawn from the special Christmas-shopping issue of Wired magazine. You know Wired. That's the magazine that lists technologies as "Wired," "Tired" or "Expired." I generally relate to "Expired." But never mind, here are my choices:

To go with my iPod, a Steinway & Sons Model C Music System, with sound so pure "experts can discern a violin's make and country of origin." $148,000

At my desk, a Herman Miller Embody Chair, which promises to be "heaven on our ischial tuberosities." $1600

No Bic for me. A Ducato Corse Rollerball Pen. $850

A wrist Polar FT80 heart rate monitor, with GPS, for exercise. Just looking at this thing sets my heart racing. $460

Bonfort Classic Swiss Army Knife, with "72 eye-popping diamonds." $2700

Do I sound greedy, Santa? Don't fret. Is there a patch of green? Pave it. A stream? Dam it. An acre of old-growth forest? Chop it. You are our patron saint, Saint Nick. Consumption is our national creed. So deck the halls with boughs of baubles. Keep those Wired magazine wish-lists coming. Peace on Earth, more goods to men.